...fear and love...

While I can't share all of my Valentine's Day adventures with you (I'd like to remain anonymous regarding some) our biggest adventure was spent peppering this city with love letters. (Notice how I say “our?” My husband has now become a willing participant in my adventuring lifestyle!)

After reading the lost art of letter writing, my dear friend, Brenda, encouraged me to check out The World Needs More Love Letters movement, an organization that seeks to lift, empower, and mobilize individuals through tangible acts of love. I instantly fell in love with the idea and knew it had to be one of my adventures. Could there be a better day for spreading love?

All week I've been considering these letters, what they should look like, what they should say, where I should secretly stash them for optimal discovery. And when my heart settled on a location, I immediately began brainstorming ideas for a different location.

East St. Louis was named an All American City by the National Civic League back in 1959. At the time, it was vibrant, one of the biggest cities in Illinois. Great musicians like Miles Davis and Ike and Tina Turner grew up and honed their crafts here.

Today, due to the effects of deindustrialization, the introduction of highways that made commuting easier, and racial discrimination, the city is now known for having the highest crime rate in the United States, according to the FBI's most dangerous cities list.

Fear is a funny thing. I've kept myself from doing so many things because I was afraid. Two fears gripped me today: the fear of bodily harm, and the fear of looking dumb. I think if I had told some people where I was going today, they would have insisted that I stay home. It wouldn't have been an unreasonable request. But...

...if we won't go and love those who need it most, who will?

As we drove down Martin Luther King Blvd, statistics and news stories kept replaying themselves in my mind. Andy stared out of the passenger side window and gawked at the businesses that were boarded up or had iron bars running from ceiling to floor. I gaped at the large blocks of barren landscapes. Icy, slick roads caused the Honda to skid more than once. I drove the wrong way down one way streets. I circled elementary schools. It was embarrassing.

I wanted to turn around. I wanted to come back to West County and distribute letters here. It's safe here. There's no fear of bodily harm here, no fear of looking like an idiot.

When we finally found what we were looking for, Andy jumped out of the car and taped up our love letters. (I needed to turn the car around since I had managed to find myself in the “buses only” lane going, you guessed it, the wrong way.)

I'm not sure that fear and love can peacefully coexist.  We will have to choose one or the other...sometimes daily...hourly...moment by moment...

Which will you choose?