...decisions, decisions...

We've all heard this quote, but how many of us actually believe it? Rather, how many of us actually live by it?

At the music school where I teach, we bring in experienced teachers to “judge” our voice students progress and give us ideas as to how to further their vocal and musical growth. It's very helpful, but it can also be very stressful, since the teacher is not in control of how the student reacts on stage. As it turned out, all the students did very well. It's confirming to see your students succeeding and receiving positive feedback from your teaching peers. It makes one think that maybe she chose the right career after all...maybe...

One major theme throughout the four hours at yesterday's evaluation was the idea that our brain tells our voice what to do. If one can make the decision to sing a song a certain way, their voice would respond to the brain's impulse. But a decision must first be made. This has been simmering in my mind over the last 24 hours.

Singing is a raw and naked activity. While other instruments, like pianos and guitars and violins, are outside of your body, the voice is the only instrument that is literally a part of you. Each voice has a distinct quality to it. Some people love certain voices, others don't. And when someone says they don't like your voice, it feels like their saying they don't like you. Fully aware of this, a singer's mind can become clouded with all kinds of anxious thoughts.

Thoughts like What if I'm flat? What if I'm sharp? What if my voice cracks? What if I forget the words? Oh, god, what are the words? What if I look dumb up here? What if they don't like the sound of my voice? What if they don't like me?

How is your brain supposed to beat that back and tell your voice anything? Thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

I have to daily convince myself as a performer and a teacher that I am good enough. Questions like these plague me every time I stand up to sing. Sadly, they've kept me from singing more times than I care to share. And even after all this time, I'm still so insecure.

So today I sang...

I didn't worry about who saw me or who heard me or who wouldn't like it (or me.) I just sang. I didn't worry about the do's and dont's of vocal pedagogy. I just sang. I didn't look back on the failures or successes I had in previous moments. I just sang.

I practiced songs that I hope to sing for all of you one day...

I don't know what you'll have to face today, but I'm convinced that if you make the decision to do it, it will happen. Our obstacles become a matter of, not can we, but will we choose to?

Will you? Remember, I'm cheering for you!