...fear's stranglehold...

Things I learned about myself while pushing my limits at Upper Limits Rock Climbing gym:

One, I might be a tinge terrified of heights. This first became evident when Andy took me skiing for the first time earlier this month and I wept openly on the lift. As tears streamed down my face, my sweet husband rolled his eyes and told me that it (and I) would be fine. I had to insist that he comfort me. He's learned to be much more patient and supportive with his mousy wife. Today, I wasn't able to convince myself to go any further than halfway up the wall. But we'll go again, and I'll set my goal just a little bit higher.

Two, for all the working out I do, I'm super weak! Rock climbing is difficult, folks! If you are an avid rock climber, my spaghetti arms salute you!

Three, my perspective on failure has drastically changed in the last few months. “Bouldering” is basically rock climbing without the ropes. While that might sound scarier, it's not nearly as high, so it's a great place for minor acrophobics to accrue a little courage. Here is the video that Andy took during one of my climbs. Watching this, you might roll your eyes at it's easiness, but it's more challenging than it looks. If you listen carefully, you can hear me say near the top that I can't do it. I was convinced I would fall, and in my yellow mind, the way down was endless. As my arms trembled and my heart doubted, a decision needed to be made. I could begin to climb down until I felt safe enough to jump, or I could push myself further and harder, reaching and risking it all.

Suddenly, the thought of not trying became scarier than the thought of falling.

So I seized anything within my grasp, secured my footing as best as I could, and strong-armed myself over the top of that boulder. Even now as I watch my legs try to stand at the top, tears fill my eyes. Not because I'm so proud of my accomplishment, but because I remember the feeling of fear, and it still overwhelms me.

I suppose we all need to make that decision at some point. I suspect it's a decision that needs to be made more than once over the course of a lifetime. And I sense there will be times when the stakes are much, much higher. There will be moments when the risks will seem too great...but great risks can lead to greater rewards. You must decide.

And you shouldn't expect to walk away unscathed. My battle scars include many sore muscles, a few callouses, and a place on my thumb where I ripped off my skin. But I'm also just a little bit braver, and I believe in myself just a little bit more.

When was the last time you did something that scared you?