...the path not taken...

Friday, April 25

According to my parents, "Monkey See, Monkey Do" was my favorite toy as a child. I remember it well. This thick piece of cardboard, shaped like a monkey, whose sides would rotate, changing the monkey's face from happy, to sad, to scared, etc. In the middle of the monkey's tummy was a mirror so that you could check and make sure you were making the correct face. Apparently, I would enjoy this for hours, as would my family watching me.

I'm not sure if it was in my nature, or if this toy was nurturing something in me, but I was bitten with the acting bug quite early. I love acting! Stepping into someone else's shoes helps me to see and appreciate others, and myself, a bit more.

Tonight, my nephew, Jonathan, took to the stage as the White Rabbit in St. Charles High School's production of Alice in Wonderland. He was spectacular! One aspect about his performance that really stood out was his facial expressions. Such a cute face! I was so proud!

As a whole, the group was magnificent! I loved the energy and enthusiasm that the students infused into their characters. The set was creative and the costumes and make up were just stunning. Just unbelievably stunning.

And it brought back all these wonderful memories...

As Penny in You Can't Take It With You, I had to revamp a scene during a live performance so that I could chase and capture the kittens that had somehow escaped their box and were creeping around the stage.

As the make up artist for Auntie Mame, I poured over how-to books and practiced on myself and unsuspecting friends to hilarious results.

As Anita in West Side Story, I can still feel the stage crew rolling out the makeshift bedroom onto a darkened stage and spinning it out to the audience as the spot hit my face and I sang "Anita's gonna get her kicks tonight..." while pulling on a black, sheer thigh-hi stocking.

As Diane in Unspoken for Time, the turbulent emotions of trying to put myself in the place of someone who had been molested left me so disturbed, that I regularly ran back to my dorm room from the theatre.

As the Assistant Director for Harvey, I loved helping the actors craft their characters, offering ideas and taking notes.

As a hotbox girl in Guys and Dolls, I couldn't help but adore learning to dance those complex routines while singing my heart out to silly songs in amazing costumes that I simply didn't want to take off.

But mostly, as I watched Jonathan surrounded by friends that have ultimately become family to him, I was reminded of the people...all those wonderful people with whom I've shared a stage, with whom I've chatted in green rooms waiting for cues, with whom I have spent countless hours rehearsing, building sets, being fitted for costumes, those people who have helped to shape how I view myself and the world around me. And I missed it...

It's these moments that make me wonder...did I choose the wrong path? Should I have gone to a different college? Did I let my fear guide me? Is it possible to hop onto a path if we've missed the fork in the road? Would I really be happier doing something else?

Do you ever have feelings like this? How do you address them?