...love and marriage...

One of the gifts I gave Andy this past Christmas was a year of dates. Our March date? Spa day!

Andy, my manly man, is instantly uncomfortable at the thought of receiving mani/pedis and putting on face creams, but once a year he lets me pull out all of my favorite Mary Kay products purely for the sake of pampering. We lock ourselves in the house and give each other foot massages and facials and body massages and head massages, while catching up on our shows.

(It's really more a special day for me and he reluctantly, but cheerfully, joins in.)

Today was, of course, delightfully fun...until we started to argue. Andy and I aren't really the yell-y types, so our arguments are really just super intense conversations, but it's completely obvious when we are upset with one another.

We also rarely fight. Today Andy commented that our most common arguments center around the temperature in our bedroom. (He likes it cold...I like it hot.) But today's argument was not about the temperature. In fact, it's an area of our relationship that needs routine monitoring and discussion. This can be challenging for two reasons.

One, there are times when we both want to give up and throw in the towel and not have the discussion anymore. That can seem like the easy way out. But that doesn't resolve the issue and it creates a separation between us. Living with that wall for too long, and we could end up growing completely apart.

Two, finding a way to have the same discussion without being discouraged (or discouraging) presents some problems. I have to admit, Andy is much better than I am at being encouraging in situations like this. By example, he's teaching me how to be patient and positive as we wrestle with our problems.

Marriage isn't easy. No relationship is. Relationships will always require effort, and we must be willing to work at them everyday. Relationships have the power to change us for better or for worse, and we have the power to choose which one. For me, learning to put aside my own habitual selfishness continues to be a daily struggle, and some days are better than others. But I'm growing, and changing, and thinking more about him than about myself.

In the end, Andy and I said our apologies, sought forgiveness, cuddled it out and ended our date day at a fancy dinner. Even amidst our issues, there is no one with whom I would have rather spent the day.

Are you dealing with a difficult relationship? I'd like to encourage you to make that person a priority this week. You might find it makes all difference.

You can get a free printable of the quote above here.